Tag Archives: love

You say you Love

“You say you love rain, but you use an umbrella to walk under it. You say you love sun, but you seek shelter when it is shining. You say you love wind, but when it comes you close your windows. So that’s why I’m scared when you say you love me.”

I may use an umbrella, but i listen to rain and let it keep me company. Seldom do i let it touch me, but when i do, we dance passionately together. I may seek shelter from the sun, but i do admire it from afar. Seldom do i let it touch me, but when i do, i enjoy its massages. I may close my windows when the wind blows, but that’s only to let the wind dance with someone else. Seldom do i let it touch me, but when i do, our worries cease to be. When I say I love you, its not because I want you to touch me, but because of who you are. When I say I love you, its not because i want your attention, but because I like giving you mine. When I say I love you, its not because I want to possess you, but because our free spirits dance beautifully together.

Chivalry

We say that when a guy opens a door for a girl, walks close to the road, or puts his jacket on a puddle for the girl, he is being chivalrous. But that’s not necessarily chivalry.

Chivalry was pretty much admiring from a distance, that’s the difference from today. Today we do things with our girlfriend/boyfriend which is kind of an ownership type of thing. The past was different. The knight admired the princess, who was already to be wed to some king. The knights always knew that they would never become a ‘thing’ (I think knights were supposed to be ‘chaste’ as well), but they showered the princess with gifts and admiration anyway. Why? Because making them happy was enough (I would guess), they didnt feel the need to ‘own’ the princess. Her happiness made him happy

A Look Inside

Ive been seriously psychoanalyzing myself recently and one of the things ive realized is my tendency to fall in love with ideas. Ive noticed (more specifically) that when i fall for someone, i do fall for their character really hard. However, what makes me attached to them is the idea of the potential times we could have together ( the picnic on the mountain under the stars, a walk through Garven Gardens, or their joy waking up to flowers on their truck on Vday) although sometimes actual experiences were better than these fantasies. Back to the point: I was at the arlington on friday. Watched couples dance, then started daydreaming of a scene in which some girl started dancing with me(since im not really after anyone, it wasnt a specific girl). Anyways i got really into my daydream (they get terribly vivid to the extent of like a lucid dream i guess). And realized i had fallen for a faceless woman, just an idea that doesnt really exist. Im pretty sure thats affected my relationships as well (imagine the effect it would have of putting someones face into that daydream). I suppose that was just a look into my mind. I hope you appreciate it, people barely ever expose themselves in such a way.

What does it mean to be Romantic?

Well the romantic period is a counter-movement to the enlightenment. Everyone was getting away from the catholic church and going towards the scientific method. However certain philosophers argued that humans are best left in their natural habitat, in nature. So you will find most works of art picture nature, and if i remember correctly, france (during a part of the Riegn of Terror) was in a state where the whole counrty was agaisnt the enlightenment, for nationalism and the romantic movement. Everyone was named after natural things (like dandilion, no joke) and the months were named oddly. I cant remember specifics but literal translations might be “no leaves” or something of the sort….

 

What does this have to do with the whole ‘romance’ idea? Well, to get away from the whole thinking thing. Whats the oposite of rational thought- emotion. side note: suicides were praised- this person felt emotions so intensely that they killed themselves. Romance is based on emotion.

 

Romantics dont do things for the phiscality, reasonability, or practicality. They do it because they feel something from it. Look at the whole rose thing. Romantics dont give them to potential lovers because “thats what lovers do”. They do it because giving someone a gift makes them feel some kind of joy. Another example, sex. Most people do it because it feels good, or thats the next step of the relationship or whatever. The romantic looks at the whole situation as ” im baring my complete self to another human being”, there is some strong emotion people feel for being able to get to this level with another human being. Two people are, quite literally, connected. And whether people admit it or not, there is an emotional bond that forms during it. (fun fact: i literally just justified sex as being romantic, you are welcome)

 

A true romantic could seriously see a person on one date, give them roses, and never see that person again. They still find joy in that night due the fact that they got to feel the wonderous emotions of a date, even if it be for one night. They could give a girl a rose and try for a single date. They would have only dated her for one night (even though they may want more), but they would still be completely happy that they got to experience true romance with her and possibly even prove to her that romanticism is real.

 

Romance is simply a preference of emotion over physicality.

I love you, can we be in a relationship now?

Can someone really mean “I love you” when they say it before or the beginning of a romantic relationship? If to love someone means that you completely accept someone as they are, then yes.  If you really know someone before you are in a relationship or at the beginning of one. I do want to add a few disclaimers though:

–          Love is a mutual thing. Even though you really do ‘love’ them, if they don’t feel the same, then the relationship does not fall under love

–          Love at first sight cannot coexist with my statement. Because you cannot know everything about someone just by looking at them. “Love at first sight” tends to be a physical attraction that eventually becomes love; although there are times when you meet someone doing an activity that attracts you. For example: someone is at a charity event and you see into their character through noticing them do that- still that is not love, for you only know (or think you know) one aspect of that person

–          I do firmly believe that the statement has lost a lot of its meaning to people for the over- and dishonest- use of it. Chances are, when you were in high school and you said it, you probably did not mean it in this sense.

–          The love I’ve been talking about in this post is not bound to romantic relationships; it is the basis of all successful relationships. And to be honest the only difference between friendships and romances are physical attraction and possibly a closer connection.

Red or Blue (an actual love letter)

Red or Blue

Foreword

This was an actual letter i wrote for someone. She really enjoyed reading and was loved smart books/movies like The Matrix (hence the red/blue reference). This was what i had hoped to win her over with. Alas, she said no; however we are still friends and talk normally. This was pretty much our relationship from my perspective and how i saw the super-date i had planned. This was my proudest gesture i had ever done. Leave a comment on what this letter made you feel. I would greatly appreciate any feedback.

I.

A boy and a girl. Is this not how it always starts? He a shy, insecure, but friendly guy; always trying to make sure his thoughts were lined up before he spoke them. Always wanting those around him to know they mattered to someone, to him. He himself may have felt alone at times; however, his friends and family cared for him. He wanted nothing more than a true romance-true love- where each partner gave all of themselves. The kind pictured in the shows and movies he’d watch. The kind where roses were given, hugs were shared, experiences made, and happiness went all around. He had had a few girlfriends, but none had actually let him have this romance he had desired. He had seen the potential of having what he’d desire in other women; however, they hadn’t seen the potential in him. He had given up hope many times, but adamantly restored it every time, without fail. Then he had met the girl.

II.

            She had seemed different than the rest of the girls he had fallen for. He had begun to fall for her and he finally gathered the courage to talk to her.  He got to know her. She was more incredible than the boy could have imagined. She had been hurt in incomprehensible ways, but did not let that change her personality. She remained this sweet, caring, and romantic person that he had gotten to know. They shared a lot of interests. He was beginning to think that she was truly meant for him. Nobody he had ever met, including some of his friends, had connected in so many ways with him. This had completely changed how he felt about her. She had become more than a crush to him- meaning more than any of those others had meant to him. She was supposed to be in his life. It was true; however, he has yet to find out in what way.

III.

He told this girl how he felt. He explained to her the best way he could about how she made him feel safe. How she let him be himself without judgment. How he might finally realize his dream of romance if she’d take a chance with him. Unfortunately, she did not reciprocate his feelings.

After he dealt with this realization, he had still wanted her to like him. He felt she cared for him in some way, but couldn’t move on until he knew there was absolutely no hope of her ever feeling the same way about him. He begged the girl to tell him that there was no chance of her ever having feelings towards him. She would not give him that. She believed that something eventually may be possible between them. She believed anything could happen. He believed there was still hope. He could not give up on her, she meant too much to him.

IV.

            And so months went by. They were still friends and hung out together. All the while he was hoping to get her. He had come up with an idea. Maybe he could make her fall for him by being terribly romantic; by letting himself loose. She was a romantic also and maybe her seeing him for who he truly was would cause her to return his feelings. He decided to take her on a super-date consisting of a walk downtown, dinner, and a walk in a park. After the date he’d ask her if she felt anything. If not, then she never will. He had asked her if she would like to go on a date with him. He explained that it would not make them tied to each other, but that it would give him a chance to show her who he really is. She said yes.

V.

            The night of the date had arrived. He was terribly nervous; he was shaking all over. He finally arrived at her house to pick her up. He knocked on her door. She opened it with a smile on her face. He wasn’t nervous anymore.

They went downtown, explored the shops, and talked. Not about anything in particular, they just talked. To them it just came naturally. She got cold. He took his jacket off. Wrapped it around her, and then hugged her tight as he could. She smiled.

Their dinner was excellent. He got to know things about her that she had told only to a few people. He was looking at himself from the outside. This was happiness- to make her happy. He had been able to glimpse, even if for a moment, what true love feels like.

They ended up in the park. They just sat in the grass and explored each other’s mind. He wanted this moment to last forever. It was at this moment he felt he had understood what true beauty was. He saw it, not in the way she looked, but how she talked. It completely amazed him how someone so beautiful remained unrecognized by most. He asked her if he could try something out, she let him. He moved his lips close to hers; she backed away at first, but then realized what he was doing- they had discussed this before. Their lips never touched. They just stayed there, feeling the heat off of each other’s lips, keeping their eyes locked. They stayed there for a euphoric century. Then they just rested on the ground next to each other in silence and enjoyed the moment.

VI.

            The night had come to a close. He was dropping her off at her house. He opened the passenger door for her. Before she got up, he opened the glove box. Inside there were a series of letters for her and a rose. They had hugged and said goodbye.

The girl now by herself had begun to read the letters. The first letter explained the rose, that it meant hope; a reminder that this night existed, that true romance is real. The second letter thoroughly explained how he felt towards her and why. It nearly brought tears to her eyes. The last letter was a small story telling their story and how the boy hoped it would go.  The ending gave a choice, she got to decide how the story would end. She would choose between the blue pill or the red pill to determine the ending of their story. After reading the letter she texted the boy…

Blue Pill Ending.

            She really appreciated how the boy felt and how he had treated her. She had even been given a sense of hope after this night. She just couldn’t feel the same way. She knew the boy wouldn’t want her to text him red out of guilt. She knew that it would impede his chance of finding a girl who does want him. She texted him blue. Although the boy felt a pit in his chest after receiving the text, he eventually moved on. The boy and the girl remained friends and the boy does find his true love. The girl finds hers. Separately they loved and were loved.

Red Pill Ending.

            She begins to feel a spark of some emotion within her. She thinks this boy can truly give her something special. Although the two arent necessarily tied to each other romantically, she texts him red to let him know that he can take her on romantic dates; that these two can eventually become boyfriend and girlfriend; that she thinks her spark can become the fire that he has. Eventually they find something special. Together they loved and were loved.

 

 

Hopeful Romantics

There’s a reason they call them “hopeless” romantics. Love is one of the hardest things to believe in and truly follow through with. Rejection and the wrong relationships can lead to this horrible feeling: the horrible realization that the idealistic thing you believe in begins to chip apart. You give 120% of yourself for an idea alone, a concept few people can grasp. Then you watch as that idea falls into pieces- breakups, other people turning hollow inside, and just the fact that maybe you will never find what it is you want. You will see other romantics turn heartless , who in turn, destroy more hearts leaving fewer romantics in existence. You will be told that your idea is too idealistic you will NEVER be able to create what exists inside your mind. And after so many rejections or break ups, the only thing you will want to do is to give up.

However, I contend that we call these people “hopeful” romantics. They wake up every day to a cold, dead place and somehow believe in the equivalent to Santa! Watching their friends relationships crumble before their eyes and still trying to help and still thinking that MAYBE, just maybe the relationship will prevail over all obstacles. Then you know what happens? Their friend’s relationship overcomes whatever obstacle it was facing- mere hope from another human being had, in part, helped them see that it was a mere rough patch in a silk-woven quilt. The romantics hear that 50 percent of marriages end up in divorce and still believe that if they look hard enough they can find their soul mate, the one, or whatever you would like to call it. They are the ones who invented the phrase “well if it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be” because they even see hope in rejections and divorce! They may be rejected by every person they go after and somehow honestly believe that they will find their true love. These people give others hope.  This child-like innocence makes people believe that there still may be beauty in the dark world.

They are some of the most caring humans I have ever met. Sure people may find them too needy and touchy, but what the hell people, isn’t that what most people want: someone who cares specifically about them and them alone?!  These people know how to show someone love, and that is what i love about them. Ive seen them do crazy romantical gestures to someone who has never had them before- even if the romantic didnt love them! Ive seen these people lose jobs and take more jobs just to make sure the other person is comfortable with were they are working and with their finances. Ive see these people seriously just let go of someone they love so that person could be happy. All a romantic is, is someone who just wants to make a singular person happy for the rest of their life whether that be through flowers, love letters, or financial stability. So to those friends of mine, and to those I have yet to meet, that continue to give me hope and make the world a better place I would sincerely like to say thank you.

My Philosophies On Love (and other emotional burdens) PT 6

Rejection

 

Buddha said it best: Suffering is created by want, if you want, you will suffer (thats a paraphrase). If you want love, be prepared to suffer. Rejection is the worst feeling in the world; well technically its despondence, but despondence is caused most frequently by rejection than any other situation. Despondence is that combination of the feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, depression, worthlessness, and that absolutely horrible feeling in your chest. Nothing you can do will ever allow you to skip this feeling after being rejected by someone you actually care about. However you can shorten it if you realize a few things:

  1. That person cant help the fact they don’t feel the same way as you, just like the fact you cant help the way you feel about them.
  2. Realize that person just saved you from a relationship with someone who didn’t like you. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like you?
  3. Move on, stop thinking about them. Play a few videogames.
  4. This isn’t the end, you will fall for another.
  5. In my personal experience, the next person is always better than the one who last rejected you. You may think that the person you just got rejected by was pure gold, but the next person will be platinum.

When i fall, i fall hard…EVERY TIME. I truely cared about every girl ive asked out. Its a weird emotion to explain, but its a kinda happy feeling in the pit of your stomach and a very strong urge to make them happy. When i finally gather the courage to ask her out, she says “no”, “lets be friends”, “maybe next week” or some other overused cleche’. Anyway, i feel despondent for a bit then remember: I felt incredible around her, she made me feel completely happy, BUT i didnt make her feel that way and there was nothing i could do to change that, she just didnt feel it. Why would i want her to not have that feeling, should i really be so selfish as to not have that beautiful feeling shared? Food for thought.

Also- side note on the friend zone. You are never really friend zoned UNLESS you both decide to not be in a relationship in fear that it would ruin it. “lets be friends” is not being friendzoned. If they actually like you back they will say yes to you asking them out. Women, guys dont (most of us anyways) become friends to sleep with you. And believe it or not, not everything we do is predecided. Maybe we become friends and then we fall for you on accident. Sometimes we are interested in you from the start, but made a misstep or didnt flirt too obviously, and ended up as friends instead of a couple. that was just a rant i felt the need to go on, im tired of people saying they were friend zoned…

Conclusion

I hope in some way ive enlightened you to my ideas of love and that my advice sprinkled in there helps you a little bit. I have little ‘first hand’ experience with love, but ive observed a lot of my friends’ relationships and constantly think about the subject in hopes of finally obtaining it myself. I may or may not add on to this. Feel free to comment on any section of this. Love isn’t dead, it is just hard to find. Even if the light at the end of the tunnel  always seems to be a fluorescent bulb, remember that those fluorescent bulbs will eventually lead you to your final destination; the light at the end of the tunnel. You do me a favor: Have a good day!