Category Archives: Love

You say you Love

“You say you love rain, but you use an umbrella to walk under it. You say you love sun, but you seek shelter when it is shining. You say you love wind, but when it comes you close your windows. So that’s why I’m scared when you say you love me.”

I may use an umbrella, but i listen to rain and let it keep me company. Seldom do i let it touch me, but when i do, we dance passionately together. I may seek shelter from the sun, but i do admire it from afar. Seldom do i let it touch me, but when i do, i enjoy its massages. I may close my windows when the wind blows, but that’s only to let the wind dance with someone else. Seldom do i let it touch me, but when i do, our worries cease to be. When I say I love you, its not because I want you to touch me, but because of who you are. When I say I love you, its not because i want your attention, but because I like giving you mine. When I say I love you, its not because I want to possess you, but because our free spirits dance beautifully together.

Chivalry

We say that when a guy opens a door for a girl, walks close to the road, or puts his jacket on a puddle for the girl, he is being chivalrous. But that’s not necessarily chivalry.

Chivalry was pretty much admiring from a distance, that’s the difference from today. Today we do things with our girlfriend/boyfriend which is kind of an ownership type of thing. The past was different. The knight admired the princess, who was already to be wed to some king. The knights always knew that they would never become a ‘thing’ (I think knights were supposed to be ‘chaste’ as well), but they showered the princess with gifts and admiration anyway. Why? Because making them happy was enough (I would guess), they didnt feel the need to ‘own’ the princess. Her happiness made him happy

What does it mean to be Romantic?

Well the romantic period is a counter-movement to the enlightenment. Everyone was getting away from the catholic church and going towards the scientific method. However certain philosophers argued that humans are best left in their natural habitat, in nature. So you will find most works of art picture nature, and if i remember correctly, france (during a part of the Riegn of Terror) was in a state where the whole counrty was agaisnt the enlightenment, for nationalism and the romantic movement. Everyone was named after natural things (like dandilion, no joke) and the months were named oddly. I cant remember specifics but literal translations might be “no leaves” or something of the sort….

 

What does this have to do with the whole ‘romance’ idea? Well, to get away from the whole thinking thing. Whats the oposite of rational thought- emotion. side note: suicides were praised- this person felt emotions so intensely that they killed themselves. Romance is based on emotion.

 

Romantics dont do things for the phiscality, reasonability, or practicality. They do it because they feel something from it. Look at the whole rose thing. Romantics dont give them to potential lovers because “thats what lovers do”. They do it because giving someone a gift makes them feel some kind of joy. Another example, sex. Most people do it because it feels good, or thats the next step of the relationship or whatever. The romantic looks at the whole situation as ” im baring my complete self to another human being”, there is some strong emotion people feel for being able to get to this level with another human being. Two people are, quite literally, connected. And whether people admit it or not, there is an emotional bond that forms during it. (fun fact: i literally just justified sex as being romantic, you are welcome)

 

A true romantic could seriously see a person on one date, give them roses, and never see that person again. They still find joy in that night due the fact that they got to feel the wonderous emotions of a date, even if it be for one night. They could give a girl a rose and try for a single date. They would have only dated her for one night (even though they may want more), but they would still be completely happy that they got to experience true romance with her and possibly even prove to her that romanticism is real.

 

Romance is simply a preference of emotion over physicality.

Hopeful Romantics

There’s a reason they call them “hopeless” romantics. Love is one of the hardest things to believe in and truly follow through with. Rejection and the wrong relationships can lead to this horrible feeling: the horrible realization that the idealistic thing you believe in begins to chip apart. You give 120% of yourself for an idea alone, a concept few people can grasp. Then you watch as that idea falls into pieces- breakups, other people turning hollow inside, and just the fact that maybe you will never find what it is you want. You will see other romantics turn heartless , who in turn, destroy more hearts leaving fewer romantics in existence. You will be told that your idea is too idealistic you will NEVER be able to create what exists inside your mind. And after so many rejections or break ups, the only thing you will want to do is to give up.

However, I contend that we call these people “hopeful” romantics. They wake up every day to a cold, dead place and somehow believe in the equivalent to Santa! Watching their friends relationships crumble before their eyes and still trying to help and still thinking that MAYBE, just maybe the relationship will prevail over all obstacles. Then you know what happens? Their friend’s relationship overcomes whatever obstacle it was facing- mere hope from another human being had, in part, helped them see that it was a mere rough patch in a silk-woven quilt. The romantics hear that 50 percent of marriages end up in divorce and still believe that if they look hard enough they can find their soul mate, the one, or whatever you would like to call it. They are the ones who invented the phrase “well if it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be” because they even see hope in rejections and divorce! They may be rejected by every person they go after and somehow honestly believe that they will find their true love. These people give others hope.  This child-like innocence makes people believe that there still may be beauty in the dark world.

They are some of the most caring humans I have ever met. Sure people may find them too needy and touchy, but what the hell people, isn’t that what most people want: someone who cares specifically about them and them alone?!  These people know how to show someone love, and that is what i love about them. Ive seen them do crazy romantical gestures to someone who has never had them before- even if the romantic didnt love them! Ive seen these people lose jobs and take more jobs just to make sure the other person is comfortable with were they are working and with their finances. Ive see these people seriously just let go of someone they love so that person could be happy. All a romantic is, is someone who just wants to make a singular person happy for the rest of their life whether that be through flowers, love letters, or financial stability. So to those friends of mine, and to those I have yet to meet, that continue to give me hope and make the world a better place I would sincerely like to say thank you.

My Philosophies On Love (and other emotional burdens) PT 6

Rejection

 

Buddha said it best: Suffering is created by want, if you want, you will suffer (thats a paraphrase). If you want love, be prepared to suffer. Rejection is the worst feeling in the world; well technically its despondence, but despondence is caused most frequently by rejection than any other situation. Despondence is that combination of the feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, depression, worthlessness, and that absolutely horrible feeling in your chest. Nothing you can do will ever allow you to skip this feeling after being rejected by someone you actually care about. However you can shorten it if you realize a few things:

  1. That person cant help the fact they don’t feel the same way as you, just like the fact you cant help the way you feel about them.
  2. Realize that person just saved you from a relationship with someone who didn’t like you. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like you?
  3. Move on, stop thinking about them. Play a few videogames.
  4. This isn’t the end, you will fall for another.
  5. In my personal experience, the next person is always better than the one who last rejected you. You may think that the person you just got rejected by was pure gold, but the next person will be platinum.

When i fall, i fall hard…EVERY TIME. I truely cared about every girl ive asked out. Its a weird emotion to explain, but its a kinda happy feeling in the pit of your stomach and a very strong urge to make them happy. When i finally gather the courage to ask her out, she says “no”, “lets be friends”, “maybe next week” or some other overused cleche’. Anyway, i feel despondent for a bit then remember: I felt incredible around her, she made me feel completely happy, BUT i didnt make her feel that way and there was nothing i could do to change that, she just didnt feel it. Why would i want her to not have that feeling, should i really be so selfish as to not have that beautiful feeling shared? Food for thought.

Also- side note on the friend zone. You are never really friend zoned UNLESS you both decide to not be in a relationship in fear that it would ruin it. “lets be friends” is not being friendzoned. If they actually like you back they will say yes to you asking them out. Women, guys dont (most of us anyways) become friends to sleep with you. And believe it or not, not everything we do is predecided. Maybe we become friends and then we fall for you on accident. Sometimes we are interested in you from the start, but made a misstep or didnt flirt too obviously, and ended up as friends instead of a couple. that was just a rant i felt the need to go on, im tired of people saying they were friend zoned…

Conclusion

I hope in some way ive enlightened you to my ideas of love and that my advice sprinkled in there helps you a little bit. I have little ‘first hand’ experience with love, but ive observed a lot of my friends’ relationships and constantly think about the subject in hopes of finally obtaining it myself. I may or may not add on to this. Feel free to comment on any section of this. Love isn’t dead, it is just hard to find. Even if the light at the end of the tunnel  always seems to be a fluorescent bulb, remember that those fluorescent bulbs will eventually lead you to your final destination; the light at the end of the tunnel. You do me a favor: Have a good day!

My Philosophies On Love (and other emotional burdens) Pt 4

Romanticism

Does one have to be a romantic to get love? Again, no, it depends on the person. I have an over-romanticized idea of what love should be like. This will cause me to look for certain characteristics in the women I am after. For example, the fact that she will accept the fact that I can be suffocatingly affectionate at times.  Say I wasn’t a romantic though, I was just an average joe who wanted a partner for practical purposes (companionship, family, stability), would I still be able to love my wife? Yes, as a matter of fact I know a couple that fits these criteria. They are getting married, they don’t do crazy romantic gestures, but they sure show those four components of love that I discussed earlier and are happy together. Romanticism is only necessary for love if you want it to be.

My Philosphies On Love (and other emotional burdens) Pt 3

The ONE

Is there a ‘one’, a ‘soul mate’ that exists specifically for you to be with? This Is one of the hardest questions for me to answer. The romantic in me wants to say yes, there can only be one person who meets my criteria of what I want. The rational part of me says no. People change, tastes change, therefore; the person who you marry (whom you truly did love when you started) was the one, but over the course of time you grow apart and so does your love. Does this mean that you blew your only chance at love? No. As long as you are true to who you are, there is a chance for you to find that other “ONE”. What you find attractive in a person changes over time, sometimes you add things to the list, others you take off.

My Idea of “True Love”

As i said, im terribly naive when it comes to this topic. I feel like the purest form of love can only be felt between two giving people. I feel like everyone can find ‘the one’ and have ‘love’ but only certain people can feel ‘true love’. When someone gives all of themselves to another person this creates a special bond. Unfortunately if only one person gives themself without the other giving much than that leaves the person who gives everything drained. However if both partners give all of eachother, the result is amazing. Both partners would be able to continuously give eachother without being drained. Think of it as the water cycle: The water evaporates, then it collects in the sky, then it rains, and evaporates again. Something truely generous people would be able to have. It would be truly beautiful.

Getting Rid of the Pain of Rejection

Introduction

                For many who know me personally, know that i am a die-hard romantic. The old fashion roses, walk under the stars, drum-roll kiss kinda guy. Im not ashamed of it, in fact im very proud of the fact that im one of the few who is trying to keep romanticism alive. However, i seldom do find romance. Hopeless romantics are born from situations of pain and rejection. I would like to refrain from the actual number, but i have been rejected a lot of times. Personally, i fall really hard for each of these women, stay attached for a few months, finally gather the courage to express my feelings, then i (usually) get rejected. I will say that being a romantic is a tough and long road. For those who are terribly emotional and romantics (which are two traits usually tied to one another), despondence will arrive. That’s the heart-wrenching feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, depression, and despair. Fear not, this is not about my personal experiences of pain; instead, this is written to give hope for those like me- the fellow 20 + year olds who know not of true romance and are prepared to face the immense pain of trying to find it. I plan to help you so you dull that pain just a little.

Why Be a Romantic?

                Well for starters who really hates romantics besides the real cynical types? Romantics give others hope. I have a few friends who are fellow romantics and they have helped me believe that true love is possible, because of the relationships they have shared with others. Romantics are kinda like little kids that believe in Santa: Even though he may not be real, the idea of him is strong enough to keep them happy. Happiness spreads like wildfire. Have you ever been sad around someone who is absolutely ecstatic? Even those terribly hurt give hope and bring light to other’s lives.

Love is a beautiful thing, but romantics make it better. Normal dates are cool and you need them so that the romantic ones seem so much better; If every night is a romantic one, none of them seem romantic. That being said romantics can make the big nights even bigger. Normal ‘romantic’ date: candle-lit dinner. The Romantic’s ‘romantic’ date: A walk downtown, a special dinner, something that interests her, then ending the night by having her open your glove box to find a rose that you hid there for the date (your welcome fellas). The difference between the two is not just the length and effort, but the fact that you make it about her (or him). You talk about what she likes on your walk; you take her to her favorite restaurant, take her to someplace special that you know she will like (maybe a park if she’s a nature loving type, or laser tag if she’s the more adventure loving type).

I believe anyone can find love, even two criminals. Love is something formed by the connections we make with others. As long as people are intimate (share each other’s thoughts), passionate (show each other’s feelings), give to one another, accept each other’s folly, and reciprocate each other’s feelings; they can find love. Although I believe love between any two people is possible, only ‘true love’ is possible between two romantics. Imagine two people who give completely to one another, accept them as they are, and are completely open with each other. That’s my idea of ‘true love’.

Not everyone has to, can, and should be a romantic. Love isn’t at the top of everyone’s list. Sometimes the suffering is too much, depending on your sensitivity and how you view things, despondence can be too much. Just don’t expect a romance if you don’t try at it.

Helping to Stop Feeling Despondent

You will be rejected sometime. Maybe even many times. It will hurt, it will always hurt. How long depends on you. This isnt even for just the romantics, some take rejection/splitting up hard. Romantics though take it hard most of the time. Ive found several ways to help this go away and how to move on.
Find another fish:

Ive been so lucky this far to find that after every person ive been rejected by, that the next person seems even better in all aspects. Im not saying find a girl/guy and have a one night stand. This will dull the pain, for one night. Then you’ll feel hollow after realizing that you are still without someone. What im saying is to stop making everything about that person you are currently after. Make it about someone else. Give them what you couldn’t give the person who rejected you.

Make it about you:

Everyone has hobbies and dreams. Personally, my big goals in life: Be in love, Become a musician, Become a videogame designer, Become a psychologist. My hobbies: drums, music, writing, making art. To sorta quote somebody “whenever I start feeling lonely, I stop feeling lonely and be awesome instead”. I will play on my drums, listen to music, write, or focus on my other goals in life. It gets your mind off of everything.

See their perspective:

                It’s not your fault they don’t feel the same way, or theirs. That feeling that you have towards them, that feeling you cant control or get rid of currently, is the same feeling that they cant get or manufacture for you. It’s not this way for true love but for infatuation, the judgement is immediate. I contend that just like art and music, in which you immediately decide whether or not you like it, your decision of liking someone is controlled by your autonomic system (the one that’s automatic and you don’t think about). What actually makes this worse is the fact that you will actually fabricate reasons at the same time. You don’t know why you like that song or painting, but you will fabricate because it’s the mood or color; however, other songs and paintings with similar features will be deemed bad. There is no logical reason why you like those songs, paintings, or find that person attractive. There is no logical reason why that person cant find you attractive

Change the way you think:

Ill never find anyone who loves me, im ugly, whats wrong with me, these questions frequent the despondent. First, notice these negative thoughts, then change them. Realize that love is hard for everyone. Do you realize how magical and difficult it must be to find someone who can completely accept you and your flaws and be accepted with theirs? Just notice how that person saved you by rejecting you. You want love, they cant give you love, that relationship was bound to fail anyways. Why would you want someone who doesn’t love you? You are now free to look for your soul-mate in the time being in a destined-to-fail relationship, would have taken.

Beauty is subjective, everyone’s idea is different. What you think is beautiful and what I think are completely different. Fun fact: if you are a girl reading this and you think some guy is hot, I can guarantee I will not find him attractive. In my opinion physical beauty of others is actually determined by how one looks. If one has big ears, small nose, and blue eyes, then others with those same features will be deemed more attractive than ones with different traits. I feel as if attractiveness is determined by the features we are exposed to the most. If you ever notice couples that look alike this is why. Even in times before the mirror, I hypothesize; people would find others that had the same features as their parents subconsciously (because parents are the people we see the most, other than ourselves).

If love was taken away from you, know that: 1. It wasn’t meant to be. If love was taken away then there is some reason; one partner or the other fell out of love and now it’s not love. Either move on or try to rekindle the love that was once there. 2. At least you had it while it lasted. Some have never had it (like yours truly, yet). You can prove it exists; you have confidence that you can find it. Even I find it hard to believe that it exists sometimes. Luckily, I have really close friends that support and help me believe in such a hard to find idea!

“Nothing is miserable unless you think it so….” – Buddha

Conclusion

                I honestly hope I have helped you in some way. Romance is a hard path to tread. I hope that ive given you enough supplies to help walk the path. I will leave you with one last tidbit of knowledge: Even if it seems you are given hope, then have it taken away, know that it will be what carries you to your final destination. The flying squirrel cannot ‘fly’ from one forest to another; it must glide from tree to tree. It needs those trees to keep it up, to help it stay on its path. If none of the trees were there, the squirrel would fall to the ground.