“Be Aware Of Your Thoughts”
We are our thoughts; our thoughts make us who we were, are, and will be. Think about this: your best friend has made plans to hang out with you tonight. An hour before you are supposed to hang, they cancel and give you an explanation. Think about how you would feel and what would go through your mind in this scenario. You would feel let down, which is completely reasonable. However, where your thoughts go may not be. In fact, there are three ways you could respond to an incident.
- You friend was telling the truth. You believe them, and just carry on as usual. Maybe you make plans for another time. You let the situation be what it is and then you let go.
- You friend is a liar. They just gave you an excuse because they hate you. You play the victim in which your friend actually wronged you intentionally
- You’re to blame. You said something that made them feel uncomfortable about being around you. Everything is your fault.
Each of these three internal responses is a result of parenting. I don’t feel like I need to really go into why they come in to play. The point is that you realize these responses in your head- know when and why you think them. The only healthy one is the first one, even if the other two are true (if 2 is true, then you need a healthier relationship; conversely, if 1 is true, you need to be a better person).
Once you realize which one you internalize, fix it. Every time you hear “it’s my fault”, address it, then come up with rationalizations on why it’s not. Change “I suck as a human being” to “im actually a pretty decent person because I help that one person with that one thing”. The more often you correctly internalize these, the less depressing life will seem. It will help your self-worth and make you believe that there is good in the world.
Have a good day!