My Philosophies On Love (and other emotional burdens) Pt 5

Attractiveness

What is attractive? It varies to tell you the truth. In the medieval era, the you were the more attractive you were considered fatter (this was because it meant you had a lot of money to buy food). If you had mental issues you were considered to be blessed by the gods and were highly respected. Now most people are looking for the skinnier types and the mentally ill are put into institutions where they are treated horribly and neglected by families. Tribes in Africa find that women with longer necks and tons of piercings are considered beautiful. Beauty differs from culture to culture. That is part of what makes up who is attractive to you. If you are told since childhood that Barbie and ken are what your partners should look like, you go after that.

Your parents also shape your idea of what you look for in a potential partner personality wise. If your parents argued with each other, you will probably see this as what love is. This is where those kids who think you make fun of someone when you like them, come from. On the other hand if your parents are very caring and loving towards each other, then that is what you will look for. What if you are adopted, or have divorced parents? With adoption, your new parents will probably shape it. But if you were never adopted or have divorced parents who never show affection towards each other you have a few options:

  1. You will find another couple who you are close to base it off of (aunts, grandparents, divorced parents friends, or your own friends).
  2. You will end up without any idea of what it is, probably wont care about it, or will just play Russian roulette with the whole relationship thing; this barely ever happens.
  3. You take it from ideas on TV… soap operas, the notebook.
  4. You find it through the way someone shows affection toward you (your single parent, the nanny at the orphanage, or someone else whose parents are together)

Another thing that shapes attractiveness is how often you see someone. The more frequent you see someone the more you get used to their facial traits. This is why that whole ‘look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful’ thing works. This is just a personal hypothesis, but I think that the person who you think is the most attractive is the person who has the largest amount of the traits you have been familiar with for the longest amount of time. Ie: she has the same type of nose as your last two girlfriends, the face shape of your best friend and your dad’s side of the family, and the eyes of your mom’s side of the family and three previous girlfriends as well as several friends from fourth grade. I think in this case that would make you believe that her eyes would be the most attractive, since you’ve been exposed to them the longest and most often.

Birds of a feather flock together, not opposites attract. When it comes to personality, the more traits you share the more cohesive the relationship will be. It makes sense, if you like to be organized, and your partner likes to be organized, you wont fight about being organized! Just remember you cant be the same person though, look for someone who complements you. Make sure they share the traits you like about yourself and help the ones you dont. ie. youre shy, they are outgoing; Youre romantic, they are romantic; You dont do crazy drugs, they dont do crazy drugs; You’re insecure, they are accepting. Stuff like that, share the good, balance out the bad.

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