Everyone at some point falls for someone else. Love is an iffy and abstract Idea. Some people doubt its existence entirely. Movies, books, and even songs (even some I wrote) have been based on this crazy Idea. Wars have been started and halted at the control of someone’s love. I think about this subject a lot. Although I’ve never truly been in love, I feel I understand it quite well. Most of what I’m going to say in this post is clearly opinion and personal thoughts; there are a few studies I may vaguely mention. Feel free to comment below.
What is love?
Crazy as it may sound, nobody REALLY describes it and im not even sure ill do it justice. This is how I describe it:
- It MUST be reciprocated- someone who is after another person who doesn’t feel the same is just infatuated, however; just because two people like each other doesn’t make it love either.
- There is a sense of selflessness- The idea is to actually CARE for your partner. You cant be selfish; but you cant be completely selfless either. The first one should be obvious why, but if you are completely selfless odds are the other will be completely selfish (using you). I believe that a perfect idea of love (utopianism view) would be two people being completely selfless always thinking of the other’s needs. This cannot exist, humans, by nature, are selfish. Therefore, a relationship must be give and take. You both must acknowledge each other’s goals in life. If you both share similar goals (want to travel; monogamous relationship, similar jobs, views on children, ect.) this should become fairly easy. If you have different goals and views, you will have to compromise, not give up yours or make them give up theirs. Just remember the only things capable of true unconditional love are dogs and parents.
- Intimate- You must be able to completely show who you are. If you are using a persona, you could find someone who is perfect for the ‘mask’, but not the real you. Be comfortable with who you are first (change yourself if you don’t like who you are), then someone will come along who completely understands you. All of your pains, sorrows, dreams, desires, flaws and happiest moments should be out in the open. Your ‘soul mate’ would essentially accept and love you because of this. Which brings me to the next bullet point:
- Acceptance- EVERYONE has flaws, some darker than others. Two criminals could fall completely in love with each other, believe it or not. Two bank robbers might not think badly of the other being a criminal. If you see a flaw, just see it as a part of them that makes them more perfect. When you see a person that sleeps around a lot (not while in a relationship) see them more as ‘more experienced’ than a slut or man-whore. If they can be committed in a relationship, that sexual energy will be given only to you. On a side note, chemically we are all different. We enjoy things at different levels. If your partner loves jokes more than you do (and makes them as a result), either see this as something you don’t want in a relationship, OR be a little selfless and accept the fact that they are funny. Remember, none of this is one sided. You must be accepted by them too.